The Art of the Argument
Arguments are a normal part of life. We all disagree with someone at some point or another. What we don’t know is how to do it properly. A lot of the time a minor disagreement can explode into a full on screaming match before we know what happened.
The majority of arguments start over something small. Something as inconsequential as a toothpaste cap left off or a toilet seat left up can start what will become a knock down drag out.
What most people don’t realize is that at some point in what started out as a calm discussion, the tide turned and either they or the other party involved said something totally unrelated to the discussion. It is usually something that was done some time in the past that has been bugging them but they never said anything about at the time. This is where everything starts to go down hill.
When you are discussing something it is best to stick to the subject at hand. When you begin to throw things in that aren’t related the other party begins to feel like they are being attacked and become defensive. They will begin to attack back and before anyone knows it someone is sleeping on the couch and no one really knows why.
In every relationship, whether it is parent and child or husband and wife, there are going to be things that get on your nerves. When you come across these things discussing them right then and then letting them go will make it a lot easier in the long run. If each party has a chance to air their complaints both will feel better.
Sometimes the better part of valor is retreat. People, in general, when they are angry or upset about something will say things that they wish they hadn’t. Their tempers get the better of them and they allow their mouths to over-ride their brains. It may even be something that they mean but would have said in a kinder way if they had been thinking clearly.
Taking a step back and allowing yourself a little time to think about the situation before you get into the discussion is sometimes your best bet. It gives both sides time to regroup and decide if the problem is really worth a discussion to start with and it allows the distance you need to get your thoughts together so that when you do have the discussion you know what you want to say and how you want to say it.
When you can argue properly with someone you care about you will find that things don’t get as out of control as they used to. You may even find yourself laughing about it instead of hollering and screaming.